Kids are instinctual and have a lot to teach us. They do a good job reminding us how disconnected we may have become from, well, ourselves, our bodies, and dare I say our own truths and desires. This blog's deep (it's my niece)!

3 life lessons from my toddler niece

Lesson one: Having the inability to say “no” to others is learned

My toddler niece doesn’t feel bad when she says “no”. Like, not an ounce of guilt. There isn't a cell in her body that feels bad. Sometimes me or my husband will reach our arms out to pick her up and she’ll say “no!” without thinking twice about it or apologizing. Sometimes she’ll even try and remove our hands away from her (like a slap but not really a slap) to go along with her “no”. Is she worried about hurting our feelings? Not one bit!

As children we learned that being included and accepted was important, and not saying “no” was often a part of that deal. Maybe we also witnessed our parents putting their needs last in order to help others, or we grew up learning that generosity meant always saying yes to others. There are so many reasons why we might struggle to say “no” as adults. But saying “no” when you mean “no” is an innate experience. 

Lesson 2: Eating is both pleasurable and necessary 

Ok, so this may be a life lesson most of us are familiar with, but you’d be surprised what diet and wellness culture can do to your brain. I’ve worked with women who feel guilty about eating for pleasure and wish they were able

to eat for fuel only. They believe that if they could eat only for fuel they’d be thinner, and be perceived as more disciplined. This is not an uncommon concern.

Eating releases dopamine which makes us want to go back for more, especially carbs which fuel our brains. Dopamine and other hormones, allow us to feel pleasure in eating. We have taste buds that allow us to experience the subtle flavours of foods. It isn't a coincidence that food is pleasurable. It keeps us alive.

When my niece wants “more” food she’s definitely not wishing she ate for fuel only. When she likes something, she makes sure to get enough of it... and enjoys every bite!

Lesson 3: Adults like to escape reality with mind altering substances

In other words, by getting drunk and high.

Children don’t need mind-altering substances because they are full of imagination and creativity. An adult’s brain is different, obviously. I mean, the extent of my imagination is picturing myself living by the sea and mountains in British Columbia or Chile. That's quite a disappointing imagination- which is really more of an emotional longing- compared to my young child self that used to chase fairies in the park. But I'm speaking for myself here since there are many very creative and imaginative adult brains out there.

Let's move on to drugs and alcohol.

Drinking helps us to have fun. At least that’s what we learned. Once you get a feel for drinking and partying, going out dancing, listening to music, it becomes hard to have fun without it. We learned to drink to socialize, celebrate, party hardy, laugh, dance, etc. Drinking enhances those experiences. But we don’t actually need a drink in any of these scenarios, as hard as that is to believe.

And drinking is as weird a concept to my niece as celebrating without it is to me! 

Adults also do drugs to take us on trips our lame brains would never take us on. Some of these drugs allow us to feel incredibly alive and creative, kinda like a child's brain does so naturally. 

I’m not describing drinking and drugs with any judgement, by the way. It makes sense as to why we would seek mind-altering substances given life’s challenges, not to mention our noisy brains that seem to never wanna shut up. A moment of escape and bliss. Kinda like my niece when she curiously picks up an object and sees its endless possibilities.

To wrap-up, here is a two sentence summary for the each life lesson from my toddler niece:

1. It’s okay to disappoint people if saying “no” means honouring your needs. It doesn't make you mean.

2. Eating for pleasure is part of the human experience and doesn’t in the least mean you’re undisciplined or out of control around food. Learn to identify your diet culture beliefs.  

3. Engaging in mind-altering substances is totally personal to you, but also consider finding a creative outlet that fulfills and inspires you. Don't be afraid to reclaim your child-like imagination!